What a teen love triangle got me thinking about real-life love.
I never thought that I’d be so emotionally invested in a teenage love triangle, but here I am. Every Wednesday, you can find me on the couch, snacks in hand, and wondering which Fisher boy Belly will end up with.
We all love a story that lets us feel like it’s our own heart on the line, and The Summer I Turned Pretty gives us just that – Team Conrad vs. Team Jeremiah. Fans have come fully prepared with debates, edits, and theories. And honestly? It’s fun to pick a side!
But while we were all busy arguing over which boy Belly should choose, the show also says something deeper: the person who most needed choosing was herself. And in a world that constantly tells us to be “chosen” by someone else, choosing yourself before a relationship might be the most rebellious and necessary act of all.
Welcome to Team Me.
The Fun of Picking Sides
There’s a reason love triangles are such a cornerstone in teen drama. They give us contrast, tension, and emotional chaos. Aka, all the ingredients of a good binge. And as someone who’s been through their own love square, I know firsthand how entertaining the drama can be.
Conrad’s love is intense, tortured, and magnetic. He’s the moody, poetic type we’re told to romanticize. Jeremiah, on the other hand, is a typical golden retriever boy: open, light, and dependable. It’s easy to see why fans feel pulled in both directions. Each brother represents a different kind of love: the passionate storm or the safe harbor. It’s easy to understand why she’d choose either one of them.
But when the focus is just on which boy Belly will end up with, we miss what’s happening behind the scenes. And that’s about seeing who Belly is on her own, watching her unravel and rebuild.
The Missing Piece: Belly’s Journey to Finding Herself
From the very first episode, Belly is seen through the lens of others. It’s always about who she’s dating, who likes her, and who doesn’t. She’s often a reflection of the boys around her rather than a fully-formed person in her own right.
But if you watch closely, especially in later seasons, you’ll catch glimpses of something more: Belly pushing back. Whether it’s her rocky transition to college, her shifting relationships with her parents, old and new friends, or her quiet love for photography, these moments show her reaching for something outside the triangle. She is seeking a sense of self.
And until she figures out who she is separate from the Fishers, her family expectations, and romantic entanglements, she can’t really choose anyone. Because how can you offer someone your heart if you yourself haven’t even figured out what’s really inside of it? Belly’s hesitation to marry Jeremiah is her realizing that choosing yourself before a relationship is paramount to choosing the right person to marry.
The Real-Life Parallel
It’s not just Belly. So many of us fall into the same trap. We define ourselves based on who we’re with instead of who we are.
Maybe you’ve reshaped your dreams to fit someone else’s. Or hidden a personality quirk. Maybe you’ve swapped your favorite band, hobby, or even friends for theirs. I’ve done it before – suddenly being all-in to a musician I never listened to before, or pretending like I didn’t watch a show I enjoyed. It’s subtle, slow — like water wearing down a rock — but one day, you look in the mirror and realize that you’re not quite sure who’s looking back. Choosing yourself before a relationship isn’t about being selfish or anti-love. It’s about entering into love from a place of wholeness, not need. A good relationship should be a partnership of two complete people, not two half-formed souls hoping that the other will fill in the blanks.
I love my husband, so much. But even he and I were discussing the other day that while we want one another, and choose to be together, we don’t need each other. I am whole on my life, and he is whole, too. We complement each other but we don’t complete each other. And that’s how it should be!
How to Join “Team Me”
So, how do you actually choose yourself? Here are a few small but powerful ideas to get started:
- Take yourself out. Grab a coffee, wander through a bookstore, or sit in a park with your journal. Date yourself first.
- Try something new that’s just for you. Have you always wanted to learn the guitar? Or paint? Maybe try a dance class? Do it.
- Get comfortable being alone. Solitude isn’t empty; it’s space to hear your own voice.
- Write your non-negotiables. In life and love. Know what you won’t compromise on… and then don’t.
Don’t think of these as steps on a checklist. Instead, think of them as practices that allow you to center your own worth before someone else does it for you. Self-love has to come before romantic love, and these will help you find it.
You Are the Main Character
At the end of the day, a love triangle might make for great TV. But in real life, the most important love story you’ll ever live is the one with yourself.
Choosing yourself before a relationship isn’t about shutting love out – it’s about building a foundation strong enough to hold it when it comes.
So, as you watch Belly waver between two brothers, ask yourself this:
What is one way you can commit to being the main character in your own story?