Still Confessing Co.

Finding faith, purpose, and quiet hope in life’s in-between seasons.

If you’ve ever cried in your car because you still haven’t met your person, held your breath for a phone call that never came, or stared at a negative test one more time — this is for you. Waiting can be one of the most painful, stressful, and challenging experiences we face in life. Even as a typically patient person, I find myself struggling to stay patient and optimistic during these waiting periods. But I realized that it’s not just the waiting itself, but the feeling of being alone. We don’t talk enough about the space between where you are and where you hope to be. The waiting. The ache. The quiet prayers. The ‘still nothing.’ Waiting comes in many forms. As someone currently in a season of trying to have a baby, this is different than when I was waiting for a job offer or to meet my husband. But lately, I’ve been learning that the waiting isn’t wasted — even when it hurts, even when it’s silent.

All the Things I’ve Waited For

There are many things that you may be waiting for, big and small. I have personally experienced many waiting periods myself. From waiting for the highly anticipated call that I’d been accepted to do a Guest Relations Professional Internship at Disney World, to waiting to figure out why I was getting weird headaches all the time. There were times I was waiting to find friends, a community, and the right person to spend my life with. Now, I’m waiting for a baby. 

Maybe you’re waiting for a job to work out, or a sign to move, or for healing. Whatever the reason, the emotions are the same. There’s frustration: why isn’t this happening for me? Then, there’s doubt: what if I’m just not meant to have this? As the waiting period gets longer, the “bigger” emotions come in. The moments of frustration and twinges of doubt make way for feelings of comparison: well, that person has it, why don’t I? On the worst days comes the jealousy: I should have that, not then.

To be fully transparent, I’ve unfollowed many people who are pregnant because I just can’t see it every day, but it’s gotten better. I’ve had moments of extreme jealousy that I’m not proud of, but I acknowledge that they’re part of the process. It’s possible to be frustrated or jealous while also being happy for someone else. Your feelings are valid.

What Faith Has Taught Me About Waiting

Waiting Doesn’t Mean Forgotten

One thing that has helped me through this particular waiting period is my faith. I was raised Catholic, and then, in my twenties, I moved more in a “new age” direction. However, over the past few years, I have found myself drawing closer to my relationship with God and my faith. Even if you aren’t Christian or religious, I think that having some sort of belief system or form of faith can be very helpful. For the purposes of this post, I’ll be speaking to my faith but please know that I respect all religions and forms of faith.

There are many stories of waiting in the Bible, including those of Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth, and even Jesus. Their seasons were not easy, but they remained faithful. I aspire to be like that. But I’m not always patient. Sometimes I struggle with trusting God and His plans in these seasons – I wonder why I’m not getting what I want. But I have to remember that my timing is not always His timing. His timing is for a reason. And while there is tension between hope and surrender, I try every day to surrender to God and trust Him. I put my hope in Him.

Sometimes spiritual maturity sometimes looks like continuing to believe, even without evidence. A character on one of my favorite shows, “Supernatural,” said: “If you’re going to have faith, you can’t just have it when miracles happen, you have to have it when they don’t.” It’s easy to have faith when things are going right, but it’s about choosing to have faith even when you aren’t getting what you pray for just yet. If you’re in the middle of your unknown — please know this: the waiting isn’t wasted.

But even so the Lord is waiting to be gracious to you,

    and he will rise up to grant you his compassion.

For the Lord is a God of justice;

    blessed are all those who wait for him. – Isaiah 30:18

Trying to Conceive… and Trust

This waiting period that I’m currently in, trying to conceive, is the hardest I’ve been through. This waiting is different. It’s more physical and more emotionally layered. I wrestle with my relationship with my body – it’s not doing what I want it to do, and I get angry. Often, I wonder if we’ll have to turn to more medical intervention, like IUI or IVF. While those are both fantastic tools that help many people, they come with their own emotional and physical (and financial) battles.

Moreover, I often grieve the vision of my journey to motherhood that I thought I’d have. I never thought it would be this difficult. When I spend so much of my time and energy doing what the doctors are telling me to do to get my body ready to be pregnant, I feel like it’s taken away all of the joy, surprise, and excitement that I always thought this journey would entail. 

This waiting period has tested my faith and my patience in many ways. I wonder how I can be doing everything “right” – I eat the right foods, exercise daily, rarely drink, and take 20 pills a day – and still not be pregnant. But I am determined not to let this take away my hope or positivity. Every morning and every night, I say prayers that only God hears. When I go to church, I pray for a baby. I want to remain hopeful and grounded in God’s timing, but I’d be lying if I said it was easy. For now, all I can do is pray and trust. 

Accepting Help

One thing that has been helpful for me, too, is going back to therapy. As someone who struggles with their relationship with food and body image even on a good day, this has certainly exacerbated my fears around eating “bad” foods or doing something “wrong” to my body. However, my therapist has helped me to see that it’s not going to be whether or not I ate pizza that month that makes me a mother. I’m trying to let go of the need to control so much of what my body eats and does, because if it’s not the right time, it won’t make a difference.

The Quiet Work

So when the waiting feels too complicated, too much, I want to remind you of this: waiting can be sacred. Some of the most essential characters in the Bible experienced waiting, along with all the emotions, fears, and challenges it brings, but when the time was right, God delivered. This waiting period will make you stronger, more resilient, and more grateful for whatever it is you’re waiting for. Becoming often happens in the stillness, not after. And when your faith is waning, please know that God is not indifferent to our waiting – it is not out of spite, punishment, or hate. It’s out of love. 

Whether you’re waiting on love, healing, purpose, a baby, or a sign — you’re not alone. And God is still working, even in the silence. The waiting is hard, but the waiting isn’t wasted.

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What waiting period are you currently in? If you’re comfortable, feel free to share.