But the “backing off” thing really didn’t last very long. Just a couple of weeks later, I found myself a bit overwhelmed while out at a popular nightclub with Vivianne and a friend of hers, and texted Al to see if he was awake. He was. He was at a hotel bar with some friends, and he invited me to come meet them. So I left to meet them, thinking, okay, if he’s letting me meet his friends then I definitely don’t have anything to worry about with that girl’s Facebook photo! I went and met his friends, apparently while we were there some couple propositioned him to take part in some sort cuckolding fantasy they had (which I later found out was not the first time he’s been asked to participate in one of these, and wouldn’t have been the first time he did so had he agreed), but he left with me to drive me home. Once we got to my place, I decided I didn’t want to go home, I was taking back what I’d said before for that night only, so we went to his place instead.
A few weeks later, just after Valentine’s Day, he asked me if I had plans that weekend and I said no. I was excited because he wasn’t usually one for planning dates too far in advance, and this wasn’t on a Thursday (also important for later), so I was looking forward to what he had planned. He had to go to his parents’ house, which was about 45 minutes away, to pick up some things and wanted me to go with him to keep him company. So I went, he bought me some Indian food to try for the first time, we had Panera, then we went to their home. They were on vacation, so I got the grand tour.
That was the last I saw him for a while. We still talked, but our conversations were few and far between. I was starting to move on (but still wanted him as a friend) when one night in late April he called me to ask if he could come over because he missed me. I was going through a tough time because my grandma had been really sick lately and I was homesick, so I welcomed the distraction. He came over, we kissed for a bit, and I told him about my grandma.
All of my girl friends know that I’m 100% the mom of the group. I love having people come to me when they need advice, I fix everyone’s problems, I’m a shoulder to cry on, I’ll bake for you when you’re sad… you get the gist. So, this makes it really hard for me to go to my girl friends when I need support because I’m used to being the support system for them. So I told Al this, and said that because of this, I tend to prefer to be around my male friends when I’m upset because it’s easier for me to let my guard down and be vulnerable with them. I asked him if something happened to my grandma, whom I was extremely close with, would it be okay if I called him? Not because I once wanted him to be my boyfriend, or because I had feelings for him, because he’s my friend and I feel comfortable around him. He insisted it was okay – of course I could call him anytime, he’d be there for me, he understood, yes, call him. That weekend was Easter, so we made tentative plans to have breakfast on Sunday. Then he left.
Two nights later, I got a phone call from my mom that my grandma was really not doing well, and I needed to start thinking about coming home to say goodbye. Needless to say, I was a wreck. I talked to her and then my dad and brother, and then hung up, immediately calling Al. He didn’t answer. I left him a voicemail, where I was sobbing and begging him to call me back, because I really needed him. I texted, I called, for hours. Nothing. I left crying voicemails. I took a Klonopin and calmed down a bit, texting him that I’d leave my phone on that night because I wanted to talk to him. Still, nothing. The next morning, I went to church and then went back to pack to head home. I texted him from the airport telling him I was upset with him and needed to go home, and essentially, he was on thin ice. Still, nothing.
The next day, I said goodbye to my grandmother at the hospital. Obviously, being with my family at that time was much more important to me than some jerk, but I still wanted to give him a chance to be my friend. I texted him one last time, saying that my priority was my family, but if he wanted to tell me what his problem was I’d listen because I was hurt and confused since he’d literally said days before to call him. Nothing. A few days later, I saw on Instagram that he was going on vacation. So, I blocked him everywhere.
A few weeks after that, I had a weird feeling about it all when talking to my mom about how I couldn’t believe someone I’d been seeing for eight months could actually have the nerve to ghost me when my grandmother died. So being the unpaid private investigator that I am, I did some digging. And I discovered that my suspicions about Sylvia were not me just being paranoid. In fact, according to what I could find through some extensive research, they’d been seriously dating for five years.
So I found her work email and emailed her from a fake address, basically saying that I’d been seeing whom I now realized might be her boyfriend, if she wanted proof I’d provide it, but if she wanted to pretend like it didn’t happen I’d respect that, too. She wanted proof, so I sent her texts. Apparently the dates of the texts directly correlated to times she remembered him acting weird or off. I found out that save for one short break a couple years before, they’d been together for almost five years. She lived a block away from him. At her job, Thursday nights she closed and then Friday mornings she opened, which he knew because they had a shared Google calendar, which explains why he really liked hanging out with me on Thursdays. She asked me a few more questions, I gave her as many answers as I could before finally saying that I’d given her all I could, it was her decision and I didn’t want to force her hand, but I just knew that if it were me in her shoes, I’d want to know. She thanked me, and I carried on.
But that was also short-lived. Because sometimes, I’m a little petty. Okay, a lot petty. So on Father’s Day that year, 2019, I decided that you know, it really wasn’t cool that he asked me to take Plan B so many times, and considering I was unemployed while he made 6 figures, he could have at least split it with me a couple of times. I wasn’t sure if his girlfriend had confronted him at that point, but I figured either way he’d likely blocked me just about everywhere. Except one place. Venmo.
So, I sent him a Venmo request for $80 saying, “Happy Not-a-Father’s-Day! I thought we could celebrate by you finally paying me back for all the Plan B you made me take so you could get away with cheating. You’re an asshole.” Or something like that. He denied the request. So I resent it. This time, I said something along the lines of, “Oops, you hit the wrong button. You got to have your cake and eat it, too, and you ghosted me when my grandma died. This is the least you could do.” Then he blocked me on Venmo, too. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting him to pay me back, but I just wanted to mess with him a little.
But the story doesn’t end there. Oh, no. I had just started a job at the Encore Resort & Casino that opened in Massachusetts (which my mom later reminded me I knew about because he was always talking about being excited for its opening), and the opening day was just a few days after Father’s Day. I was working that day, and while I was standing in the lobby talking to a member of the valet, I suddenly saw a flash in front of me – like someone who was running because they didn’t want to be seen. I excused myself to look outside, and who do I see? Al. With his family. And his girlfriend.
He must have seen me first and tried to run away undetected, but his efforts to be discreet just made me notice him even more. They were standing outside in the main driveway, talking to another couple, and Al looked SUPER nervous. Me, on the other hand? I was feeling great.
I walked outside, going right past them to make sure he saw me and my evil eye out there, and went up to the valet manager to ask a very important question. As I turned around, innocently, of course, I found myself just in front of his parents, who I recognized from the photos I’d seen at their house. Being the friendly, welcoming person and employee I am, I talked to them. Asking how they enjoyed the resort and casino, what they’d done, had they tried any food, could I answer any questions… you know, normal hospitality questions. All the while occasionally letting my eyes dart over to Al, who was standing to the side looking like he was about to shit a brick and trying to get his girlfriend to move to a spot where she wouldn’t see me. Honestly, his attempts to make everything look natural were hilariously pathetic and probably made him look insanely guilty to her and anyone else paying attention.
After wrapping up the conversation with his parents, much to Al’s delight, I went over to speak to another manager. As I did, out of the corner of my eye I could see Al trying to group his family and friends together to leave before I came back over. But I never let anyone get away that easily. I pulled some Matrix-level maneuver to slide in between a car driving through the driveway and another group of people so I ended up right in front of them before they crossed the drive. I went right in between Al and Sylvia, put on my biggest Tour Guide Barbie-smile, and said, “I hope you had a great time, please come back and visit again. Have a wonderful day.” I could feel Al shaking and sweating right next to me, but for good measure, I made sure to make eye contact with him so he could see the dagger eyes and fake smile I was sending his way just before I strutted inside.
I’d like to say that I held my head high the rest of the day, but the truth is that I went into the back office and cried. I told my manager what happened because I was scared to get in trouble, and he laughed telling me how diabolical it was what I’d done, because if I’d confronted him for being a dick while on the clock, yeah, I could technically get in trouble if he complained, but I couldn’t get in trouble for having what, to everyone else, looked like a totally innocent and friendly chat with guests. Which was very true, and why I did what I’d done – I knew confronting him or Sylvia there would just make me look bad at work, but only he would know why I’d really stopped to talk to his parents. They probably talked about the pretty, sweet girl who answered all their questions on the ferry ride home and he couldn’t say a word against me without letting his parents know what he’d done. When I told the girls I worked with (many of whom are some of my closest friends, and favorite people, to this day) about it, they thought it was great. My tears were quickly replaced with laughs while I described the look on his face and recounted the story to more people, per their request. That cheered me up. Side note, while the job was not for me, the people who work at Encore are hands-down the most amazing people ever. 10/10 would work with again.
And that was the last time I saw or spoke to The Cheater. I’m pretty sure that he and his girlfriend are still together. I feel bad for her, but it’s her decision. I’m sure she has her reasons. Someone asked me once if I’d rather be cheated on or cheated with, and while I would really prefer to be neither, having now experienced both, I’d say cheated with, definitely. Not because it’s an ego boost or anything, but I feel like it’s an easier break. Apparently, he and his girlfriend had talked about having kids (which he told me he didn’t want) and moving in together, and she was very close with his parents. But for me, I had a clean break. Sure, I fucked with him a couple of times but overall, I didn’t have anything linking me to him other than less than a year of casual dating, so when it ended, I could just be done. Especially being with someone for five years, and being 31 or so, she probably thought she was done with the dating scene, so when faced with the decision to stay with a cheater or go back out into the dating world, she chose what was the lesser of two evils for her. It’s not what I’d have chosen, but I’m not her.
While The Cheater is a grade-A asshole for what he did to me and her, and maybe even more girls, I did end up learning some lessons for him – and not just to trust my gut when someone is being sketchy and has some questionable things on their Facebook. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. And thanks to him, I have several more stories to share. In my insane quest to prove that not all guys are awful, I ended up having a whirlwind of adventures and crazy dating stories that happened in rapid succession, for me at least.
So, thanks, Al for giving me more material, and helping to inspire several of the stories to come.