My post-bad-date rituals for finding myself again.
The work to rebuild confidence after dating often begins on the journey home. After a disappointing date, whether it’s a silent Uber ride or a lonely walk, all the awkward pauses and mismatched energy leave you feeling a little deflated. I used to let those moments consume me, leaving me feeling smaller than before. But, eventually I learned that the true test of confidence isn’t how well a date goes, but how you treat yourself afterward.
Acknowledge the Ouch
The first step in recovering from a bad date is to acknowledge the ouch. You don’t have to brush it off right away. You are more than allowed to feel disappointed or let down. I recently had a somatic healing session. There, I learned that it’s actually really important to let yourself sit with your feelings before trying to move past them – even the bad ones. It made me think of times where I’d had a bad date or experience that really upset me. I’d quickly brushed it off, only to then go through those same feelings again and again. Finally, I learned to let myself just feel sad for a while before moving on.
When I first started dating, I often let a bad date turn into me spiraling into a terrible self-critique. At times, it led to dating anxiety. However, over time I learned that the feelings that emerge after a bad date – whether it was something they said or dad, bad vibes, or just not fun – are normal, valid emotions that deserve to be processed.
The Three Categories of Rituals
After you’ve sat with those feelings a bit and are ready to move forward is when the after-date rituals come in. This is where you’ll really learn to rebuild confidence after dating. It’s important to find what works for you. However, I think that the best confidence-building post-date rituals belong to three categories.
COMMUNITY
For instance, the phone call to your best friend… which was always my go-to! I was always relieved to hear her voice on the other end of the phone, even if it was just a response to my rambling audio note. She always knew the right thing to say. Verbalizing the experience and hearing someone that you trust remind you that you’re wonderful, regardless of the date’s outcome, can all be incredibly validating. And needed! Even more, studies have shown that when women vent they aren’t just getting things off their chest, they’re lowering their cortisol levels. Win, win, right?
COMFORT
Maybe this is taking out your favorite pair of comfy PJs to sleep in that night. Or making a fancy cup of tea before bed. It could be bundling up with a blanket from back home. I mean, how good does it feel to be freshly clean and in your softest pajamsas slipping into bed, or taking that first sip of the tea you only drink on special occasions? It could also be the classic comfort-food combo. There was always something about coming home from a date, changing into my comfy clothes, and snuggling up on the couch to watch a good rom-com. Bonus if takeout or something sweet was involved. These rituals are an act of nurturing your body and your emotions.
SELF-CARE
This would be a tangible form of self-care: getting a massage, manicure, or visiting a sauna. Even just taking a luxurious bubble bath. It’s not just about having a new nail polish color or splurging on a new skincare item. What helps is about carving out time that is 100% dedicated to being kind to yourself.
Building the Unshakeable Foundation
These rituals might seem simple, or too easy, but they have a deeper meaning. Taking time to indulge in a little post-date ritual as a pick-me-up isn’t about avoiding feelings. It’s about proactively showing yourself that you are worthy of love and care. They’re about surrounding yourself with people or things that make you feel loved and supported. These small acts are a powerful way to prove to yourself that your happiness and worth are not dependent on external validation. Especially not validation by some random guy on Tinder. These rituals are an investment in your own well-being. They can help get you ready to get back out into the dating world with your self-worth restored.
This is the foundation of how you’ll rebuild confidence after dating. These small rituals are a part of a larger, more unshakeable confidence. One that understands that true confidence isn’t about never having a bad date, it’s about knowing that you will always have your own back afterwards. Even if it involves a vent session with your roommate, or Chinese takeout at midnight, they’re showing you that you will always be there for yourself – no matter what love or heartbreak brings. Because at the end of the day, the most important relationship that you’re building isn’t with a romantic partner, but with yourself.
A Quiet Confession
And that’s the real secret. You haven’t failed simply because a date didn’t go well. Instead, you are powerfully, quietly, rebuilding a foundation of self-love with every ritual. You are choosing to rebuild your confidence after dating, because that’s what you deserve. When you’re willing to show up for yourself after a disappointment, you are proving that you will always have your own back. Remember, your life is a deeply personal story that you’re still writing.
I would love to hear your after-date rituals. What’s one simple act of self-care that always helps you find your way back to yourself? Share with me in the comments below!